My eyes and heart seem to be opening a little bit. God is showing me some things through the Bible, through prayer, through friends, and through books. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that when I put myself in His Word with purpose that I’ll actually learn something.
This morning as I opened some notes a friend loaned me I had a big ‘ol revelation of sorts. The title of the page was self control. I spend so much time and effort trying to get control over everything. It’s one of the main things I struggle with. I crave control. I want control over everything in my house and everybody in my house and over situations I could never even have control over. The irony, of course, is that I don’t even have self control. Maybe that’s why I crave it over other things. I can’t seem to control my tongue or my thoughts lately. I often can’t control when I get angry at dumb things.
So maybe the key to letting go is to first gain some self control so I don’t feel the need to control everything else.
I’m pretty sure I typed the word “control” enough times 🙂
So here’s my prayer; and this one isn’t new to me. I prayed this over and over again about 4 years ago when I was trying to kick the massive anxiety I had. I wrote it down in the back of my Bible. It’s about giving up control.
“Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my desires and hopes, and accept thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all utterly to thee to be thine forever. Fill me and seal me with thy Holy Spirit. Use me as though wilt, send me where thou wilt, work out thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever. Amen”
I can’t remember exactly what book that came from but I certainly didn’t write it myself. And really, it can be a scary prayer to say when you think about it but I can tell you from experience that if I start prayin it, I’ll eventually mean it. God changes your heart when you pray with purpose. Even if you’re scared. And then, you don’t feel scared to do God’s will. I can’t explain as well as it should be explained but I can feel it in my heart.
So there, I gave myself a lesson today…well, actually, God gave me a lesson. I’m going to study some more on self control.
PS: I have really great friends who pray and help and loan books and binders. I’m grateful 🙂