I don’ t know what to title this one. This has been a very weird week for our family. And by weird I mean emotional, I guess.
Tuesday evening about 9 pm my mom called and asked me to pray for my dad and for me to call my sister and ask her to do the same.
For the last year, dad and some doctors have been trying to figure out why he is in discomfort all the time. He’s lost about 35 pounds and can’t seem to eat anything that won’t bother his stomach. One doctor said IBS so dad ran with that. One figured he had an allergy to milk so that was the newest thing to avoid. He had some medication that seemed to be helping ease the pain but there were still lots of things he couldn’t eat and he couldn’t quite nail down what they were.
Anyway, last weekend the pain started coming back and by Tuesday he couldn’t really stand for any length of time. I think dad was trying to hold out becuase he had scheduled a Dr’s apopintment for wednesday and thought he should just wait. But by tuesday evening, mom knew he needed to go to the hospital. After talking to me and my sister on the phone she persuaded dad to let her take him to Emergency.
Right away they did x-rays. It revealed a blockage of some sort in the lower intestinal area. He had a cat scan the next moring and was on the list for emergency surgey. They were told it’s most likely cancerous.
Cancer is a scary word.
When mom called and told us that information I had one million emotions but pushed most of them away. It was kinda strange. I think I was mostly mad because I thought someone should have found something like that by now, right? I mean, he’s been sick for over a year.
I have a tendancy not to lose my head in situations like that. Which is odd becuase I easily lose my head over much less important things. I am a complicated and strange individual. I never really had any negative thoughts. I never really got scared. And I never cried or got sad. I automatically made up my mind to wait until there was something to react to. I knew the surgery would be key in determining how I would feel.
So, Wednesday afternoon me and C went into the hospital with my sister to visit dad and see how he was feeling while he waited for surgery.
I had a strange reaction once I was at the hospital for a few minutes visitng dad. Now, I’m going to chalk this up to a few things: Heat, tiredness, hunger, a tube in dad’s nose, and some more hunger.
Yeah, I almost passed out. And then to make it worse, I threw up on dad’s bed and the floor. The nurse made me go to emergency to get checked out. I am fine and that’s all I’m going to say about that because…WHO DOES THAT?
Moving on. Dad went into surgery while I was in emerg. The surgery went as well as can be expected. They got the tumor which was smaller than they thought. The cancer does not seem to have spread and there is no detection of any cancer in the lymphnodes. This is all good news.
I haven’t seen dad since I exited the room in a wheel chair but I hear he’s doing really well. I’m going to call him later and hopefully get in to see him tonight when Mike gets home.
We were going to go in this morning with mom but C has been cutting 2 year molars and running a slight fever the last couple days. She also barfed again last night while I was at Awana. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it’s the molars but I can’t take a chance on bringing her because dad has a high risk of infection and if he got anything, it could set him way back.
You know, you’d think I would have kicked my stubborness or found a way to breakdown that wall that I built between me and God in a situation like this but I either couldn’t do it, or didn’t know how to do it. It’s not like I didn’t want to, I just feel like I didn’ t know how. I know that sounds strange because it would sound strange to me if one of you said it. I have issues to sort through between me and my dad and the longer I can’t sort those, the more detached I become from him and God.
Anyway, those of you who I know IRL, thanks for your prayers for our family this week and those of you who are hearing about this for the first time and feel like you could spare a few prayers our way, that would be great. Mom and Dad are probably going to be facing some financial difficulty now that Dad can’t work for a few months.
I read the last chapters of Acts only once this week; last night, and I couldn’t put it down. Reading about Paul’s adventures was riveting. I loved it! He was so courageous and trusted that what God had for him was going to work out. I struggle tonnes with that. Especially lately. I have the attitude that God has given me more than I can handle but the key is, It’s always more than I can handle if I don’t let Jesus be part of the equation. Sometimes, when I can pray, I pray to be broken but then later I take it back because being broken is hard and scary and I’m not trusting him enough to take care of me.
Ok, I’ve typed enough for today. House work awaits me while C naps.