“Free” usually means they want to sell you something

A couple weeks ago, I recieved a visit from the Welcome Wagon since we had just moved into our new house here. Um, little did I know how much free stuff you get from all the businesses that want you to shop at thier stores now that you live in their town and surrounding areas.

Sidebar: I realize I have spelled “thier” two different ways and that is merely because I can’t remember the correct spelling. EVER. You could tell me again and I would forget by tomorrow but if you want me to spell antidisastablishmentarianism I’d be all over that. And probably correctly too.

Anyway, back to the welcome wagon. So one of the freebies (and I use that term lightly in this case) was a water test. Hubby thought this was a great idea because, you know, we just had a well drilled and it should be tested anyway and lo and behold this is free so he does not have to shell out any cash. Instant popular idea.

So a man named Pat Lane – who when he said his name quickly on the phone sounded more like Kathleen – called to set up an appointment. Saturday, he came slightly after the appointed time and proceeded to ask us questions about the level of dryness of our skin and if our water has any taste or smell. Ok.

Then to the kitchen sink we went for about an hours worth of tenth grade chemistry experiments involving beakers and test tubes and dropper bottles of substances that no one really knows what they do (isn’t that just like high school chem? yes, yes it is)

After a few tests and PatLane talking non stop we discovered that we did indeed have hard water (which we knew, it’s not hard to tell) and – uh oh, we are one of the houses that have “bad iron” in our water. Bad iron? Did your mystery bottle of drops tell you that?

All very, very interesting.

Then the very subtle sales pitch began. Honestly, he didn’t introduce himself as a representative of the company for which he works so we kinda didn’t clue in (although I had a hunch) right away that he was selling something. That’s because PatLane is very good at science experiments.

“You know,” he said, “The only way to get rid of the bad iron is with an iron removal filter.” (probably not the actual term but I was no longer listening, this was an hour in on a very sunny saturday afternoon and I had already resigned to a kitchen chair).

He pushed his iron filter and his water softener system AND his reverse osmosis magic water making machine and then he started talking about something that made me perk up a bit. His company also supplies you with THOUSANDS of dollars of free all natural soap and cleaning products. Hmmm, this was interesting.  Because when you have soft water, you can cut your soap and cleaner usage by 80% you know.

So basically, if you buy his systems, you never have to buy soap, shampoo, cleaner, etc, EVER again.

Sounds great, eh?

PatLane finishes up his presentation and ends with, “So, I ask you, are you interested?” Hubby, ever the money pincher, and me, ever the money spender, look at eachother and smile before asking PatLane what the cost of all this wonderful and magical water system equipment- and yes the soap products too – would be.

Perfect water and THOUSANDS in soap savings only costs $9500 these days. That’s all. But don’t worry, you can make monthly payments for, like, the rest of your life. Isn’t perfect water worth that much?

Probably not to us. We are investigating more cost effective water softners. Even though they probably don’t come with exciting all natural soap products.

PatLane seemed hurt that all his science experiments didn’t win us over so that we would make a split second decision to commit to 9500 smackers and mumbles something about a time frame in which he could call us back since we needed to think about it and all. Sorry PatLane.



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4 responses to ““Free” usually means they want to sell you something

  1. You know I can’t resist. Besides, I have a reputation to maintain. Their and antidisestablishmentarianism.

    I will confess to looking it up, not because I couldn’t spell it (because I could), but because I wanted to see if I had accurately guessed its meaning by dissecting all its syllables. I was close. I love words. I love and prefixes and suffixes. I love that I now know the longest word in the english language. I’m so weird.

  2. Ok so I should have looked it up myself, you know, to make sure I saved face 🙂 But I was too lazy…thanks, Seven! I have to say I was pretty close though for guessing and if I had of actually thought about it, I could have spelled it right. I’ll try harder next time.

    I took great pride in the ninth grade knowing I could spell the longest word in the english language. Then I grew up and forgot about such things.

  3. You guys are keeners. 🙂

  4. We had some guy here too a while ago. Oh brother, what a job he had with Mike. Not interested. Ah, like you we could have spent thousands to have perfect water. And the shocking thing is that we are not dead yet from anything in our water!!!
    We had the water tested when we bought the house and it was fine. Imagine that.

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