Jenn rambles on

Boy, am I grouchy today. And I don’t know why. Now I’m mad at myself for not handling situations with C the way I should have this morning. And that makes me more grouchy.

Dive into the Bible, Jenn! Just do it! So easy to say but why is it so hard to do? I think my problem is I give up on myself very easily. Like I don’t trust myself or something.

I didn’t mean to turn this blog into a place where I complain all the time but I know that’s all I’ve been doing lately. When I really think about it, I really don’t have alot to be complaining about. God has answered some prayers lately and what do I do? I head deeper back into the pit instead of being in awe and constantly thankful. Now I’m afraid He’s going to go back on His answers. Does God do that?

I think I’m just mad that it’s so hard for me to change. I take a few steps forward and about 84 steps back. Makes it harder to get those forward steps again. Sigh.

I have so many reasons to go forward so why do I keep falling back?

I wanted to use the title “slacker” but Anne already used it

After a bit of thought, I decided not to write a review again this week. I read it a few times and found it interesting and challenging but I don’t really think I can put anything into words that might make sense. And there were more things I wondered about than actually learned. 

Mike is sick again with a cold and C came down with something yesterday morning. She was fine when she got up and then by 9:30 as we were getting ready for church, she seemed a little off but we kept going. By the time we got to church she was burning up so we put our coats back on and came home. I’m glad I listened to my mothers intuition on that one because about a minute after we got in the door, she lost her breakfast. That would have been awkward at church. Anyway, she ran a slight temp yesterday but was fine otherwise and seems a-ok today. Random one day sickness I guess.

Anyway, I’m still pressing on with Leviticus. I have to admit that when I read the chapters yesterday I skimmed alot. I’ll try harder today to read all the words.

**Ok, so I just read all the other reveiws and boy, did I miss the boat! Go there now and read theirs…do it, you won’t be sorry :) **

I’ve been debating all weekend whether or not I was going to do a review on the first five chapters of Leviticus. I think I decided not to do a formal review. I’m just going to post a few random thoughts here while C actually takes a nap for once!

I’ve read Leviticus before…ok, well I skimmed it at least. I remember thinking how unimportant all that information on sacrifice seemed. I didn’t really look at it as unimportant this time but it sure made me thankful that I didn’t live back then! I still don’t know why God included all that in the scriptures. Maybe it was to make us more grateful for the gift we’ve been given in Jesus Christ. Maybe it was to show us how the Isrealites obeyed even though those directions were so specific. Probably the reason is much deeper than that.

Now that I’ve finally decided not to post a review, I can go read the other ones now and see what you all got from these pages.

Just wanted to let you know, in the spirit of honesty, that I’m having a couple of bad days. I like writing it becuase then if I do, I have to face it and then hopefully change it.

It’s frustrating to have a good week and then just feel like I’m sinking again. I get lost in my head alot. That’s not good. My head is a scary, scary place to be sometimes

But I have a new theme song. It’s on the Glory Revealed CD. If you don’t have this, you need to get it. It’s scripture set to music by some of the best Christian artists out there. I love it. Restore To Me is my fave for sure.

Restore To Me
Hide your face from my sins
and cover my iniquities
Create in me a pure heart
and renew a right spirit within me

Don’t cast me away from Your presence
or take Your spirit from me

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of your love
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me, restore to me

Deliver me from this hour of darkness
Through the pain and brokenness
And I will sing of Your loving kindness
And of Your righteouness

Psalm 51:9-12 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Try this link  if you want to hear it.

Ok, that’s all for now.

We always ask C what she learned about in her Sunday School class each week and everytime the answer is. “God. And Jesus”

So this morning as I was buckling her into the car seat I asked her the same question and of course she said, “God. And Jesus”

“Oh that’s great!” I said, looking at her take home sheet to see that the story was called Jesus goes to God’s house.

“Where did Jesus go?” I asked, hoping that she really did listen and wasn’t just answering what she thought I wanted to hear.

“To Bethlehem” she said.

“Oh. And what did Jesus do in Bethlehem?” (thought I’d play along and see where it went)

“Ummmmm, probably lots of things, I guess!”

Yes, He probably did do lots of things

Me? A book review? Really? It’s been awhile. In fact I don’t even remember the last one I did but it was probably one over the summer maybe. I could look, but I don’t want to

If you read here sometimes you’ve probably figured out why I haven’t done a book review lately. No, it’s not because I haven’t been reading along with everyone because I have but it’s more because I’ve been in some sort of rebellion for, oh, a long time now. See, I got myself in a pit and I couldn’t get out and nothing in the Bible made sense because it was all clouded out by the misery in my pit. I’m not trying to make excuses for drifting away from the Lord I’m just telling you how it was. And I say was because I’m climbing out of the pit. I want out. And I’m gonna let God take me out.

Ok, on to Philemon. Since this is my first review in awhile it might not be too exciting or informative because I may have lost my groove And Philemon was really short but I’ll see what I can do.

The first thing for me was how faithful Paul was even though he was in prison for his ministry. He never seems mad or unhappy. That would be really hard yet he seems to handle the whole prison thing very well.

In verse 4 he starts off by saying that he always thanks God when he prays for Philemon. I loved that Paul probably spent most of his prison time praying. And it would seem by his writings that most of that prayer was for the churches and people. I likely would have spent most of my time complaining to God or just forgetting about Him altogether because I was in prison. I’d be throwing myself a pitty party for sure. I do that alot. I’m just on the other side of a pitty party I had for myself for like two years.

So I think we all would have liked this Philemon guy. Seems as though he was a kind-hearted, God fearing man with lots of faith. His kindness “so often refreshed the hearts of God’s people”. We should all do that more. Imagine if we all regularly refreshed eachothers hearts. I know there are lots of instances that we all do that for eachother but I bet there are more things I, for one, could do. I should work on that. Then Paul says that if we do this, we can come to a better understanding of all the good things we can do for Christ. Cool.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t get a whloe lot out of the Onesimus information so I’m not going to try to make something out of nothing for me. I’m looking forward to yours and see what you thought about Onesimus’s story.

Ok, I’m off to go take care of my hubby who seems to be coming down with something AGAIN. That man is always sick lately.

I’ll go off the spiritual track for a moment and bring you some information on your household plastics. They could be harming you and your children! I checked most of ours and they seem ok but my Nalgene water bottles are not good and have to go! Maybe you knew this already but I didn’t.

Good numbers are 2, 4, and 5 (printed on the bottom in a little recycling triangle) and 7 is bad! Nalgene’s are a 7. Anyway, I’ll stop rambling and just get you to go read what the experts are saying here in this article.

PS: Nalgene International is denying their products are harmful here. So you can read up and decide what you believe

PPS: from what I’ve read, BPA’s (the potentially harmful chemical in some plastic bottles) are being banned in Europe and apparently Canada is working on it with a report due out in 2009.

I just think it’s interesting since some of us were having a discussion on plastics just the other night.

My eyes and heart seem to be opening a little bit. God is showing me some things through the Bible, through prayer, through friends, and through books. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that when I put myself in His Word with purpose that I’ll actually learn something.

This morning as I opened some notes a friend loaned me I had a big ‘ol revelation of sorts. The title of the page was self control. I spend so much time and effort trying to get control over everything. It’s one of the main things I struggle with. I crave control. I want control over everything in my house and everybody in my house and over situations I could never even have control over. The irony, of course, is that I don’t even have self control. Maybe that’s why I crave it over other things. I can’t seem to control my tongue or my thoughts lately. I often can’t control when I get angry at dumb things.

So maybe the key to letting go is to first gain some self control so I don’t feel the need to control everything else.

I’m pretty sure I typed the word “control” enough times

So here’s my prayer; and this one isn’t new to me. I prayed this over and over again about 4 years ago when I was trying to kick the massive anxiety I had. I wrote it down in the back of my Bible. It’s about giving up control.

“Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my desires and hopes, and accept thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all utterly to thee to be thine forever. Fill me and seal me with thy Holy Spirit. Use me as though wilt, send me where thou wilt, work out thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever. Amen”

I can’t remember exactly what book that came from but I certainly didn’t write it myself. And really, it can be a scary prayer to say when you think about it but I can tell you from experience that if I start prayin it, I’ll eventually mean it. God changes your heart when you pray with purpose. Even if you’re scared. And then, you don’t feel scared to do God’s will. I can’t explain as well as it should be explained but I can feel it in my heart.

So there, I gave myself a lesson today…well, actually, God gave me a lesson. I’m going to study some more on self control.

PS: I have really great friends who pray and help and loan books and binders. I’m grateful

Hum. Not such a good day today. I didn’t get alot of sleep which causes me to be cranky. Or I think a better word for that would be angry. I don’t know why but the last few months one of the most popular emotions I experience is anger. And that  makes me angry. See a cycle forming here?

 I bit Mike’s head off first thing this morning for something so dumb that in the scope of eternity was not even close to being important. I need to bite my tongue but I find it harder and harder the deeper into the pit I get. That’s satan working overtime for sure.

That’s one reason I picked that Proverb about being a worthy wife and becoming my husband’s joy and crown. Right now, I’m just sapping all his strength. Dang.

And then I spent most if the afternoon feeling weak and sick. I don’t know why. Often my misery comes through physically. Blah. Or maybe I just didn’t eat enough today.

Anyway, I’m listening to my daughter play her piano and giggle hysterically at herself and so for another few minutes everything is ok with my world

I welcome any scripture suggestions about anger if they are on the top of your head.

Thanks for checking in.

My friend challenged me. I accepted the challenge. I’m diving into Proverbs and praying to be restored. I still need your prayers too because even though I am all gung ho today, the next weeks will prove to be tough. I know it.

Here’s the Proverbs that caught my eye today that I am praying for myself:

Proverbs 12:4 A worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown; a shameful wife saps his strength.

11:2 Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

11:17 Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.  I know this one to be true!

Anyway, that’s where I am today; leaving my Bible open on the counter or table and praying whenever I see it.